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Backstabber Friends Essay

The Backstabber Personality

I have been doing a personality column for Natural Health, where each month I provide some insight into different personalities. Here is some insight into The BackstabberDoes this sound like anyone you know?

Backstabber’s will say the nicest things about you in your presence, only to turn around and tell others what a good-for-nothing, hopeless waste of space you are. They feel insecure, emotionally vulnerable, and angry with themselves and the world, so make up stories about others or exaggerate minor mistakes and weaknesses of people. They like to stir up conflict and drama, and enjoy seeing people going at each other’s’ throats. Often, these people leave us astounded and confused when we realise what they are up to due to their stealth and subtlety. Unfortunately, Backstabber’s are everywhere.Here are ways in which you can spot one:

  • Some are overly friendly and can be full of flattery for no apparent reason. This is to win your trust and to disguise their unsavoury motives.

  • They can make a show about being friends with your, yet indulge in poisonous gossip about you.

  • They almost always deny their role in spreading lies or starting untoward rumours about people.

  • They are adept at making you, when you confront them, feel like the guilty party


Nobody likes being bad-mouthed or being the unwitting target of someone’s aggressive actions or intentions. Hence, there’s hardly anything positive to say about Backstabber’s  It is what we can learn from them, however, that can be positive:

  • You soon learn that going behind someone’s back, even with the smallest thing, can make matters worse.

  • You learn to keep away from overly friendly people, especially if you don’t know them well.

  • You learn to empathise with people who gossip, rather than take their backstabbing personally.


You want to avoid having anything to do with the Backstabber because:

  • Through vicious rumours and twisted truths they can damage your reputation and integrity.

  • They have no problem in belittling you in your absence, making negative comments about your work while taking the credit for your ideas.

  • Stirring up trouble among unsuspecting people is what they delight in and thus they are unlikely to stop their backstabbing behaviour.

  • They pretend to look after your best interests, only to walk over you with disdain when you are not around.

  • They are deeply unhappy, jealous, envious, and pathological.

How do I deal with a Backstabber?

If possible, stay away from Backstabber’s. Otherwise, the following suggestions could help in dealing with them:

  • As challenging at it might be, confront the Backstabber when you have evidence that they have been saying negative things about you. If you don’t, they will delight in their triumph and continue with more of the same.

  • It’s not wise to want to back-stab in return. You don’t want to become their enemy.

  • Avoid getting drawn into private conversations with backstabbing individuals. They will use it as an opportunity to bad-mouth someone. Keep the conversation brief if you can’t avoid being alone with such a person.

Am I a Backstabber?

You know you are a Backstabber when:

  • You habitually think negative thoughts about others and are always finding fault with someone.

  • Your unhappiness with your life is so profound, and you hate it when others are joyful and successful.

  • Bad-mouthing people is your main strategy for drawing attention to yourself.

  • Spreading lies about others makes you feel good, and you use it to manipulate people

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Categories: Psychology, Uncategorized

Tags: Backstabber, Backstabber Personality, Behaviour, Dr Nicola Davies, Nicola Davies, Personality, Psychology

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For a spy story, these are the words that came to my mind

enemy agent - typically you would use this for a known enemy.

secret agent - secret agents you just don't know about - who they work for is a secret.

double agent - this one is usually used when the agent is spying for both sides at the same time. It's most typically applied when someone has been "turned" away from the side they originally worked, and is now secretly working for the other side, while pretending everything is still normal and they are still working for you. This is a very common term in spy stories and will be easily understood by readers

turncoat - typically used for someone who visibly switches sides.

defector - typically used for someone who officially changes sides, declaring their intent in some official manner such as gaining citizenship in the enemy country.

mole - someone working inside your agency, pretending to work for you, but secretly working for the other side. Same as a double agent, but "mole" is used for more drama - there's an insidious factor about a mole, that doesn't exist with a double agent. This would be a good one - it's used a ton on American TV and I've seen it used in the British series "MI-6" as well. This one is so well known, there was a whole game show called "The Mole" where a group of people had to figure out who was secretly working against them.

answered Aug 4 '14 at 20:27

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